Wednesday, August 27, 2008
It’s time for some out of the box thinking. Let’s look at four areas and see how we can improve. Tourism, Power, Gambling and Social Responsibility.
First, let’s kill two birds with one stone. On one side we have a lot of stray dogs in the tourist district. On the other side we need extra tourist’s attractions. How about we make the stray dog the sacred animal of Saipan! This is a win-win instead of a lose-lose. Instead of the tourists being frightened of the derelict animals and the loathsome canines going hungry, under this plan the tourists would flock to the unfortunate Saipan version of Man's Best Friend, probably bestowing gifts and taking pictures with the wretched creatures. This could get so popular that we might have to create more of the foul beasts to keep up with tourist demands. The possibilities are endless.
Second, our power situation. I am not going to bore you with a long winded diatribe of our power woes. Anyway, my power is scheduled to go out soon so I will be brief. Our load shedding may end in a few weeks. Don’t laugh, it actually may happen. At this point our local utility will wake up like the Fraternity boy that downed three bottles of Jack Daniels the night before. We may have power, but nobody will be able to afford it once the CUC starts chargin' us for all those new “energy makin' machines” they got. My solution. Let’s put slot machines on the power meters! It makes sense really. You only have $20 left to your name and you have a $500 power bill starting you and your family in the face. Power’s gonna get cut off on Monday. Why not “roll dem bones” and see if you can win the “CUC Power Jackpot”. Anyway, what’s the harm, you only have $20, but you have a chance to win thousands… of kilowatt hours. And think about what you could do if you win. You could have party for all of your friends and at that party you could have… light, and air con, and hot water, and, well, lots of light! Do you feel lucky? Well, do you, customer.
Third, and I have to admit, this is probably the controversial of all. Let’s do something about the alcohol on the islands. This would be in the vain of the old 1960’s movie ‘Cold Turkey” staring Dick Van Dyke. A funny movie. Let’s find a very, very rich person or group that would pay to have every drop of alcohol removed from the island for sixty days. That’s right, everybody on the island takes "the pledge" for sixty days. After we go without "demon rum" for 60 days, the group makes a huge donation to the island. This would get worldwide coverage and probably encourage a different group of people to come to the islands. Oh, by the way, what do you do with all the left over alcohol? Let’s find away to burn in our gas tanks. See, a win-win-win situation.
Well, that’s it, and by the way I have a prediction. More of a calculation, actually. I don’t know who will win the Presidential Election. I don’t know if we will see a Typhoon this year. I do know two things. The Baylor Bears Football team will not have winning season and we will still have load shedding in October. That and the sun will come up tomorrow.